I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
