I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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