Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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