ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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