dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
