I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I touched a dick in church today
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