don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
