..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
