i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
