Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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