I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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