Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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