Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
