Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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