my phone needs a breathalizer
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
