I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i think i have herpe
just one?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
