so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize