If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
soo... how was my night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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