it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
