So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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