Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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