Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
