those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
