I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
