How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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