Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
