feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
