You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
