woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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