he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
