zippers are such a cool invention
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
