i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
