Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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