She is in my trunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
