He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
