Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
