so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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