Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The struggles of a small town man whore
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
