well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
