Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize