omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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