Fine. I'll sleep in my office
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
