hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
