Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
