We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
