I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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