Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
