How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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