I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
