tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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