i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize