I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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