The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I puked a lego.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
sex in a hospital.. check
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
