omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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