i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
