if only i could text you this smell
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
