He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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