You just made me feel so damn special
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
