She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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