Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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