i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
