ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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