He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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