How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
