tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
