There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
As shirtless as possible
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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