I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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