no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
