White coat. Heels.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
