He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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